A Love Letter to Myself
Inspired by a much needed and deeply honest conversation with my friend and resilience expert Karen Dean on Contain Her Magic, Episode 6: Redefining Resilience. Maybe this is a conversation you need too.
Hey love,
I see how hard you try.
I see how much you carry, how often you’re the one who figures it out, how you keep going even when you’re tired in places no one else can see.
It’s one of the things I admire most about you.
And also?
I think it’s time we talk about how you treat yourself while you’re doing all that.
When you look in the mirror at the end of the day, what do you say?
Is it kindness?
Or is it assessment?
Because in my conversation with Karen, she offered something so simple it almost felt radical:
“When you look in the mirror, say: I totally and completely love myself.”
I know.
It might feel unnatural at first.
But imagine being met with loyalty instead of critique.
Because the way you speak to yourself isn’t background noise.
It’s the atmosphere you live in every day.
And no one can live in criticism for long and stay well.
This is why self-compassion isn’t optional in resilience —
it’s the ground it stands on.
Maybe love doesn’t start with fireworks.
Maybe it starts like a friend pulling up a chair and asking:
Hey… how are you really?
And then staying long enough to hear the answer.
Not the brave answer.
Not the polished one.
The true one.
I’m tired.
I’m stretched.
I’ve been strong for a long time.
That honesty is not weakness.
It’s information.
And information is what allows you to care for yourself better next time.
Here’s something else I want you to remember…
You made the best choices you could with what you knew, what you had, and who you were at the time.
Held at the heart of the teachings of the Buddha is this:
You could search the whole world over and never find anyone more deserving of your love and compassion than yourself.
And I wondered why we are so often the last ones we offer it to.
Caring for yourself isn’t indulgent.
It’s what allows you to keep loving, giving, and showing up.
So from that place, let this land.
If you truly could have done better, you would have.
Truly.
Not the ideal version of you.
Not the rested version or the supported version.
You — in that moment, with the resources you had.
And when that lands in the body, something releases.
The fight softens.
The shame loosens.
Your heart opens.
From there, strength can return.
You are allowed to appreciate the woman who survived it.
Even if she was messy.
Even if she coped imperfectly.
Even if she stayed longer than she should have or left sooner than others understood.
She carried you here.
Respect her.
There is resilience in honouring the path that brought you forward.
I know you worry that if you become gentler with yourself, you’ll lose your drive.
You won’t.
You’ll gain stamina.
Because kindness isn’t weakness.
It’s the strength that holds you.
It’s what lets you breathe again.
Try again.
Choose again.
Without turning on yourself in the process.
When you understood this, that was the moment everything clicked.
Resilience isn’t only about surviving hard things.
It’s about building a relationship with yourself that you can keep living inside of.
🌹And that relationship is what makes resilience sustainable.
So tonight, when you catch your reflection, try this:
I’m proud of you.
Thank you for not giving up on us.
I’ve got you now.
And if it feels emotional, or relieving, or unfamiliar…
good.
That means something true is happening.
Love,
Me 💖
If you recognized yourself here, this is only part of what unfolded.
🎧Listen to Contain Her Magic — Episode 6: Redefining Resilience parts one & two, for the full conversation.
If you’re strong, capable, and exhausted, you can also explore what to do next and discover supportive resources in my previous blog.
P.S. If after reading this you feel like it’s time to give yourself a little TLC, I’ve got a gift for you. 💝
If compassion is the beginning of sustainable resilience,
this is a beautiful next step.
A 10-minute guided relaxation — a soft place to land —
where your body can reset and your heart can catch up.
About the author:
Sonia is a yoga instructor, educator and mind/body coach who helps busy, creative women prioritize their self-care so they have more energy to pursue their passions and to truly embody joy. She is also the host of the Contain Her Magic Podcast.